Fuck The Soulmate Mentality!

Love with our significant other is like a heart-shaped jigsaw puzzle made up of two pieces. And due to the novelty of our experiences together, each puzzle piece have intricate, unique patterns that can fit perfectly to only one piece.

But what people fail to realize is that it’s not just a trial and error fitting spree. It involves the painful process of refining the edges, cutting an edge to accommodate the other piece, and extending some parts to fill the gaps of the other.

The interesting thing is, this gap that we’re trying to fill in order to piece together this puzzle, is dynamic. Such that, the patterns change in our lifetime and thus the process of cutting, welding, and grinding are perennial processes necessary to keep the love puzzle in perfect fit.

Moral of the story? FUCK THE SOULMATE MENTALITY!

Praise Aleluya!

“Jeez! What’s that word again?!”

A man is receiving instructions on how to navigate with his peculiar newly-bought horse.

“When you want it to move, say ‘Praise Aleluya!’ And to stop, say ‘Aamen’ got that?”

“Roger that,” said the man and shouted “praise aleluya” and got his horse galloping in no time.

“Aamen, Aamen,” the man said testing the “breaks” pulling the horse to a complete stop.

“Cool!” he muttered to himself.

And so the man, to his joy, traversed through the meadows with his horse lost in his thoughts about his good fortune, when he realized that he’s heading right straight to a 200-foot cliff.

Panic-stricken, the man desperately tried to remember the word for stop when suddenly he managed to shout “Aamen!” just in time for the horse to stop in it’s next step into the jagged rocks below.

“Whew!” cried the man in relief while holding high his right fist. “I know I count on You.

And I can never thank you enough Lord. PRAISE ALELUYA!!!”

See You On The Other Side, Jamir Garcia

You’re one of my role models on what it means to be a badass.

Dammit man, dammit!

I hope you will find peace, dammit Jamir, dammit!…

Boomer Journals 3 – Power Outages Expose the Buck Nakedness of Our Souls

A couple of predicaments we faced the morning after a hell of a night of a ferocious typhoon: the lack of water and electricity. It would have been manageable if at least the water supply was spared even if the power is out. The typhoon however, had been too kind not to take one without the other.

So we had no water and no electricity. That’s fine. At least the roof stayed intact despite the sustained strong winds, flood never made it inside the house and most importantly there’s food.

But of course one must not get stuck on either feeling sorry or overwhelming gratitude. You gotta get going because life must, well you know, go on.

No H2O

Thankfully we had more than enough drinking water so consequently, cooking isn’t going to be an issue. Except that you will need something to wash the dishes, the “kaserola” and the “kaldero“. And(!), to flush the pungent toilet bowl saturated with piss. Not to mention the dreaded instance when you have to answer an urgent call from nature.

The good news though was that our neighbors from the adjacent village offers potable water. The bad news is, it was 50 meters or so from our house and I have nothing but sheer muscle power.

I can’t help but remember my childhood when I used to fetch water from a pump well, pail by pail until the 150 liters container is filled including the “kambong” or “tapayan“, an earthen drinking water container.

“kambong” in Iloko and “tapayan” in TagalogAdd caption

Those required serious muscle moments as well.

While I seem to reminisce those memories with relish, those were unpleasant but necessary chores essential to maintain the balance of everyday living. But even if it was uncool, they taught me a lot about the nuts and bolts of existence. Those were instances where you don’t have a choice but to embrace the suck that comes with it and utter expletives inorder to let off steam.

There’s plenty of time to do that anyway, while hauling water from a distance. If there’s one thing you will be proud to rediscover about yourself and humanity in general, it is the fact that we are natural polyglots when it comes to the sweet science of swearing.

No electric current

My phone’s battery went dead so I couldn’t keep myself busy online to temporarily forget about our misery.

I don’t mind that I didn’t know what’s happening online. I can live with that anyway. And besides, there are more pressing issues such as having dinner before dark and getting ourselves ready for bed before sundown in order to extend the life of a lone candle up until 8:00 PM.

We have trees all around our small house so humidity is not an issue. Mosquitoes are but a minor annoyance as well, thanks to our “moskiteros” which also serve as balms to our feet.

It’s been years if not decades since I experienced days on end without electricity. But at least I have those past experiences to tap into so I knew exactly what to expect. The kids however do not have anything at all except this one, their first time.

It’s tough to see them lamenting about our predicament. But at least they now have their first ever experience of what it feels like without power.

Those two nights were dark and quiet with only a few lit candle sticks illuminating homes in our neighborhood. Not eerie though but peaceful. Flashbacks of farm life flooded my consciousness where we had to go to bed before 8:00 in the evening. I got used to it before that I can say I enjoyed the dark, the sound of crickets, the stories needed to get us drowsy, and the company of family.

Finally – and there was light

It took three days and two nights before power was restored. The water supply however took more than a week after to go back to normal.

The momentary absence of electricity and water supply can teach a lot about ourselves. Yes, the absence of our basic comforts can be a blessing if only show our nakedness. We are closer to our souls when our attachments which we often mistook as our main identity and the end all and be all of our being, are lifted off our shoulders. For some, power interruption is enough to get their souls buck naked. For others, it would take more than that to expose their nakedness.

And then there was light, finally.

My reflections borne out of blackout and interrupted water service served me well towards another illuminated outlook at life as well as a short-lived entertainment. But of course, along with everybody else, this boomer was glad the electricity was back!

Tangible Surrealism

I often hear people say I'm always out of touch with reality,

I just laugh at their naiveté.

They wouldn’t understand the pact I made with myself anyway:

to come home frequently to the only place where all things are real…

Boomer Journals 2 – Of Heaven and Angels

 

Without cellular phones back in the days, what we’re left with to entertain ourselves most of the time is our imagination. They often come in handy, regardless if you’re asleep or not. Those momentary respites from reality can be disturbing but still something to be thankful for nonetheless, because they provided entertainment.

Just like that one time while I was driving somewhere in Cubao. I saw this chic, a beautiful lady behind the wheels. The mere sight of her casted a spell on me that I instantaneously followed her car. I just noticed a second too late as I was making a turn that another vehicle is speeding towards me, tires screeching, horns blaring, and all. And it was lights out after that.

When I regained consciousness, I found myself in the hospital. Things were a bit gray and I’m a bit groggy but I remember seeing mom by my side. She assured me that my attending physician is her personal choice and that I’d be alright.

Just as I was struggling to get myself together, the nurse in full regalia of an angel in white and the face and body of Aphrodite’s proportion entered and was headed towards me. And even as I am yet in delirium, I managed to ask her:

“♬♪Ale, nasa langit na ba ako?♩♪♫♬”

Boomer Journals 1 – Concrete Nails

What irked the working man before, is the toughness of the concrete wall/floor. Because it entails blistered palms due to several hammer blows just to drive a concrete nail through it.

What’s so stressful nowadays however, is you can’t even drive a concrete nail with a second blow without the freaking nail getting bent out of shape.

That’s how it used to.

When the going is unyielding just like the obstinate wall/slab, you don’t bend your stand and your principles on the first resistance. And there are instances when you have to stand your ground instead of taking a detour. In those times what you have to do, or what you have to be, is to be obstinate yourself.

Toughness like the quality that previous concrete nails exhibit, does not mean the absence of any traces of fear, nor the lack of doubts and tears. Toughness is staying true to the mission despite the fact that it may take more than one, tens, hundreds or even thousands of blows.

It’s about getting tougher and holding the line until you finally pierce that shit.

Damn modern day concrete nails…



#BoomerJournals

Is it a sin, to ask for the rain?

is it a sin
to ask for the rain?
to the delight
of wilting shrubs
and emaciated roots,
for life to persist
with fresh new shoots;

is it a sin
to ask for the rain?
that'll wash the grime
of what had been,
rid the burden
of things tentative
and uncertain.

Too Much Attachment Can Fill You

I knew it!

I just realized that I’ve been too attached once again while I was excitedly checking out another subscription I made to a Japanese learning website one evening. I wasn’t able to contain my excitement thinking how this new-found website might help accelerate my Japanese speaking and reading skills.

So I was there in my seat in front of my PC imagining myself in peace, completely absorbed in reading and shadowing.

But it was the exact opposite.

My firstborn was at my side muttering his dialogues out loud. My youngest was on a fit, demanding attention which made concentration totally impossible.

Fuck this, I told myself in frustration. I turned off my PC in spite of the aggravated tantrums in front of me.

My wife who just saw me snap asked me are you angry at us? No, I replied. Something is wrong, the balance is upset. Truly, attachment to things is the root of all sufferings. The less your expectations, the better. If nothing holds you back, nothing controls you, hence you are free, I continued.

What are the things that I allowed to get a hold of me? Quite a lot actually.

Technical blogging attachment

I’ve been building technical content of my own.

At first it was meant to be a diary for my own sake. But after quite sometime, there were others who have benefitted from it as well. And aside from having a database to document my technical know-how’s for future reference, I figured I’d also want to make a difference that can inspire the next generation and be a part of the force that will shape a better future.

So I have to be better at work and in documenting technical lessons that come with it. It was fulfilling putting a rather heavy, boring, and nerdy topic into a discussion tantamount to a casual talk while drinking booze.

The trouble is, after publishing a technical article, there is this peculiar feeling of emptiness that leaves me drained and exhausted that I feel the need to decompress for two to three days.

And the funny thing is, it feels similar to depression. And that it can only be cured in time or after publishing/posting some notes or memes of topics that elicit laughter or mental calisthenics. Or, it can be cured when I finally figured out what to write next.
Creative writing attachment

If technical writing makes me a body without a soul, creative writing is what replenishes the body with a fresh supply of spirit in order to qualify as a living being.

But if I stay on this too long, I become a steady visionary – a chronic daydreamer, that is. There were instances that I’m engrossed and attached with my thoughts that I begin to loathe reality.

If my technical self takes over, I consequently neglect my creative self which again makes me depressed. And I’d eventually hate my self in the process for failing to quickly transition from my technical to creative self.

Learning 日本語 attachment

I don’t know why I’m still engrossed in learning 日本語 when, as I had been saying before, I am not even sure if I can ever go to 日本 at all to work and much more to live there.


And yet here I am still, struggling for fluency and for finding time to study. But nonetheless I am still persevering, driven by nothing but a calling from deep within and a strange fire that stubbornly refuses to go out.

Whatnot attachments

Those, and a hell lot more.

Sages of old in their earthly forms, I am sure, also struggled with earthly attachments. Why not? We’re but sojourners in this world and we all have our own shares of tendencies to get attached to something such as prestige, power, money, women, sex, to name a few.

And at some point, we have experienced that lacking feeling of all of those mentioned above, albeit to varying degrees. The challenge is to keep the balance as it tips indefinitely on one side at times.

Or maybe I just need to completely detach myself for quite sometime. That worked for me before, I hope it will work again this time.