火がまだ燃えている

 

As I am still learning 日本語, I came across an app HelloTalk, where you can meet natives of your target language, 日本語 in my case, and have your grammar corrected in return via a friendly exchange.

There are also Japanese natives in HelloTalk who want to learn English and Filipino. Strange as it may seem, other nationalities are also craving to learn Filipino not only for the sake of wanting to learn Filipino as a language, but also because they wanted to become a Filipino, starting with the language.

The frustration

I’ve gone through great lengths of getting frustrated, motivated, and obsessed while learning, and back again. And I’d give a resounding “YES”, I am STILL that desperate to learn the Japanese language by any means.

In fact, whenever I see a post from a Japanese native, I can’t help but turn green with jealousy wishing I can also write with the same fluency as a native. I know, I am unrealistic sometimes and I can get upset that easy when I feel that I can’t seem to achieve swiftly what I wanted to achieve.

Collaring myself and asking why

But really, I tried to ask myself, despite the frequent frustration when I see how far still am I to my goal, why do I keep going back to wanting to learn?

And why do I even persist given that I cannot even assure myself that I will be able to go to Japan, and much more work or live there? And why am I that stubborn to learn the language even when I am already aware of the many pressing issues that the Japanese people are facing nowadays?

No such thing as a perfect country

My country isn’t perfect and so does Japan. All countries have two extremes, the commendable and the not so cool stuff, both deeply embedded in the culture. But I chose to stick with the duality because, well it’s part of everything. It doesn’t mean condoning the wrong. There’s always room for improvement in everything.

One does not reside in the light alone nor one is completely ignorant of the light. One gets a taste of the other occasionally as the balance tips over either the dichotomy.

Exchange of spirits and minds

I tried to write the first part of that explanation in 日本語 (with all the faulty grammar and wrong choice of words) until I can no longer go any further due to my limited vocabulary so I continued it in English and posted it in HelloTalk.

And then a native replied.

Yep, that’s from a Japanese native!

Just enjoy the learning process

I can’t help but smile at his Tagalog which is a “textbook” type of Tagalog. And maybe it is the same with him, laughing at my unnatural and bookish 日本語 instead of a conversational one. But neither of which mattered. I am learning piece by piece, and the same is true for him and perhaps all the other language learners out there.

What mattered is that we are enjoying the process of getting wrong, getting corrected and improving. And slowly but surely we are getting closer to our previous selves one word and grammar at a time.

またね!

Kindness is a Fucking Choice

Our actions, including how they affect others, don’t just depend on our overall attitude. It also depends on our circumstances, where we are not always in control.

Unfortunately, what people remember is how we made them feel regardless of any justifiable circumstances most especially if they ended up being hurt. And this is true in spite of our lack of intention to hurt anyone.

Being kind no matter what, except for situations that warrant a just reproach, is a choice we can take. Because one way or another, we had been a witness of how the simplest acts of kindness went beyond our expectations, transcended time and people, turned things upside down, and created unfathomable miracles in people’s lives.

Choose to be kind.

Thanks To Those Who Didn’t Want To Be Associated With Me

Deep gratitude I have
        to those who rejected me:
those who wouldn’t want me
        in their group
those who didn’t want me
        in their company
those who labelled me weird,
        freak, and a dupe

If not for them,
        I would’ve settled indefinitely
Wouldn’t have been lost,
        hurt, and known agony
Would’ve remained in shackles,
        wouldn’t have been set free
I never would’ve wandered,
        I never would’ve found me.

Focus on Your Flow, Not Your Flaw

"Rather than devoting all your energies

in magnifying your flaws,

commit that enthusiasm instead

to finding your flow."

- (The) Name's Not At All Relevant

You, A Creation of A Higher Vibration

You

yes you,

a being

vibrating

at a

higher

frequency:

never bow

your head

nor be

ashamed

of what

you

posses.

I know

the pain

it caused

you,

how

it alienated

you from

the

very

crowd

with

vibrations

that

you

wanted

to be

a

part of.

But

instead

of

suffering

with

what

you perceive

as a

disability

and

limitation,

embrace it

and

wave it

like a flag.

Because

it signifies

your

sovereignty

and

your

freedom.

It isn’t

a status

that says

you

are

better

or

inferior

to everyone

else.

It is

far

more

remarkable

than that:

it

signifies

YOU!

Performing for Our Ultimate Audience

 

We are our very own grand audience.

This is what the universe wanted to tell us early on. But too often, this only becomes clear the moment we are ready to listen.

At first, we have to get preoccupied with our “practice” audiences, the ones we thought were the ultimate ones. Even if we vehemently deny it, we spend 95% of our energies trying to please them all: those who are genuinely interested to see our best selves, the ones who don’t give a damn, and those who grin the moment they see our imminent demise.

The reaction of our audience can get us hurt at times. And oftentimes, we label ourselves a success every time they give us the impression of them listening. This is how we accord the opinion of our audience with tremendous power by making it a gauge of our success. Recklessly, we build the very foundation of ourselves using our audiences’ reactions. That is how harebrained we can get.

But that’s normal.

That’s a part of being human.

Despite of a lot of folks telling us to always observe and learn from the mistakes of others in order to not repeat them and get hurt, reality is, life is not a lesson in algebra that can be solved with a definite solution. Rather, it is an experiential one. You have to go through the painful process. To inevitably fall but to get back up better than the previous. No buts, no ifs, no shortcuts.

That’s what it takes when performing in front of an audience.

The important thing to realize is, these are but necessary preparations, a dry run, aimed at gathering our nerves, our guts, and the balls required before facing our ultimate audience: which is none other than ourselves.