Tangible Surrealism

I often hear people say I'm always out of touch with reality,

I just laugh at their naiveté.

They wouldn’t understand the pact I made with myself anyway:

to come home frequently to the only place where all things are real…

Boomer Journals 2 – Of Heaven and Angels

 

Without cellular phones back in the days, what we’re left with to entertain ourselves most of the time is our imagination. They often come in handy, regardless if you’re asleep or not. Those momentary respites from reality can be disturbing but still something to be thankful for nonetheless, because they provided entertainment.

Just like that one time while I was driving somewhere in Cubao. I saw this chic, a beautiful lady behind the wheels. The mere sight of her casted a spell on me that I instantaneously followed her car. I just noticed a second too late as I was making a turn that another vehicle is speeding towards me, tires screeching, horns blaring, and all. And it was lights out after that.

When I regained consciousness, I found myself in the hospital. Things were a bit gray and I’m a bit groggy but I remember seeing mom by my side. She assured me that my attending physician is her personal choice and that I’d be alright.

Just as I was struggling to get myself together, the nurse in full regalia of an angel in white and the face and body of Aphrodite’s proportion entered and was headed towards me. And even as I am yet in delirium, I managed to ask her:

“♬♪Ale, nasa langit na ba ako?♩♪♫♬”

Boomer Journals 1 – Concrete Nails

What irked the working man before, is the toughness of the concrete wall/floor. Because it entails blistered palms due to several hammer blows just to drive a concrete nail through it.

What’s so stressful nowadays however, is you can’t even drive a concrete nail with a second blow without the freaking nail getting bent out of shape.

That’s how it used to.

When the going is unyielding just like the obstinate wall/slab, you don’t bend your stand and your principles on the first resistance. And there are instances when you have to stand your ground instead of taking a detour. In those times what you have to do, or what you have to be, is to be obstinate yourself.

Toughness like the quality that previous concrete nails exhibit, does not mean the absence of any traces of fear, nor the lack of doubts and tears. Toughness is staying true to the mission despite the fact that it may take more than one, tens, hundreds or even thousands of blows.

It’s about getting tougher and holding the line until you finally pierce that shit.

Damn modern day concrete nails…



#BoomerJournals

Is it a sin, to ask for the rain?

is it a sin
to ask for the rain?
to the delight
of wilting shrubs
and emaciated roots,
for life to persist
with fresh new shoots;

is it a sin
to ask for the rain?
that'll wash the grime
of what had been,
rid the burden
of things tentative
and uncertain.

Too Much Attachment Can Fill You

I knew it!

I just realized that I’ve been too attached once again while I was excitedly checking out another subscription I made to a Japanese learning website one evening. I wasn’t able to contain my excitement thinking how this new-found website might help accelerate my Japanese speaking and reading skills.

So I was there in my seat in front of my PC imagining myself in peace, completely absorbed in reading and shadowing.

But it was the exact opposite.

My firstborn was at my side muttering his dialogues out loud. My youngest was on a fit, demanding attention which made concentration totally impossible.

Fuck this, I told myself in frustration. I turned off my PC in spite of the aggravated tantrums in front of me.

My wife who just saw me snap asked me are you angry at us? No, I replied. Something is wrong, the balance is upset. Truly, attachment to things is the root of all sufferings. The less your expectations, the better. If nothing holds you back, nothing controls you, hence you are free, I continued.

What are the things that I allowed to get a hold of me? Quite a lot actually.

Technical blogging attachment

I’ve been building technical content of my own.

At first it was meant to be a diary for my own sake. But after quite sometime, there were others who have benefitted from it as well. And aside from having a database to document my technical know-how’s for future reference, I figured I’d also want to make a difference that can inspire the next generation and be a part of the force that will shape a better future.

So I have to be better at work and in documenting technical lessons that come with it. It was fulfilling putting a rather heavy, boring, and nerdy topic into a discussion tantamount to a casual talk while drinking booze.

The trouble is, after publishing a technical article, there is this peculiar feeling of emptiness that leaves me drained and exhausted that I feel the need to decompress for two to three days.

And the funny thing is, it feels similar to depression. And that it can only be cured in time or after publishing/posting some notes or memes of topics that elicit laughter or mental calisthenics. Or, it can be cured when I finally figured out what to write next.
Creative writing attachment

If technical writing makes me a body without a soul, creative writing is what replenishes the body with a fresh supply of spirit in order to qualify as a living being.

But if I stay on this too long, I become a steady visionary – a chronic daydreamer, that is. There were instances that I’m engrossed and attached with my thoughts that I begin to loathe reality.

If my technical self takes over, I consequently neglect my creative self which again makes me depressed. And I’d eventually hate my self in the process for failing to quickly transition from my technical to creative self.

Learning 日本語 attachment

I don’t know why I’m still engrossed in learning 日本語 when, as I had been saying before, I am not even sure if I can ever go to 日本 at all to work and much more to live there.


And yet here I am still, struggling for fluency and for finding time to study. But nonetheless I am still persevering, driven by nothing but a calling from deep within and a strange fire that stubbornly refuses to go out.

Whatnot attachments

Those, and a hell lot more.

Sages of old in their earthly forms, I am sure, also struggled with earthly attachments. Why not? We’re but sojourners in this world and we all have our own shares of tendencies to get attached to something such as prestige, power, money, women, sex, to name a few.

And at some point, we have experienced that lacking feeling of all of those mentioned above, albeit to varying degrees. The challenge is to keep the balance as it tips indefinitely on one side at times.

Or maybe I just need to completely detach myself for quite sometime. That worked for me before, I hope it will work again this time.

Sarah E – Pula ang Talulot ng Rosas

sinabi kong mahal kita

pero sabi mo mas mahal mo siya

mas maalab

mas masidhi

nais ko mang magdamdam

nang dahil sa iyong tinuran

ngunit batid kong ako ay

hanggang dun na lamang

pagkat banaag sayong mga mata

ang damdaming nagbabaga

makibaka para sa kanya

na pati ang buhay mo

ay walang alinlangang iyong itataya

wala akong magawa

mahal kita

pero mas mahal mo siya

kung kaya‘t ako ay nagparaya

sabay dalangin sa Poon

na gabayan ka sa dako paroon

at kung maaari ika‘y Kanyang ibalik

sa aking mga mahigpit na yakap at halik

at sakali mang ika’y mahapo

sa pagmamahal sa kanya

sa iyong pagmamahal

na di nya matumbasan

hiling ko na ako’y lingunin

pagkat nandito parin ako

na matyagang nagaantay sayo

na tayong muli ay magtatagpo

sa katahimikang

kaytagal mong tinalikuran

at ang naiwang pangarap

na ikaw at ako

nawa ay sabay na nating mabuo

NEWS

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