Is it a sin, to ask for the rain?

is it a sin
to ask for the rain?
to the delight
of wilting shrubs
and emaciated roots,
for life to persist
with fresh new shoots;

is it a sin
to ask for the rain?
that'll wash the grime
of what had been,
rid the burden
of things tentative
and uncertain.

Too Much Attachment Can Fill You

I knew it!

I just realized that I’ve been too attached once again while I was excitedly checking out another subscription I made to a Japanese learning website one evening. I wasn’t able to contain my excitement thinking how this new-found website might help accelerate my Japanese speaking and reading skills.

So I was there in my seat in front of my PC imagining myself in peace, completely absorbed in reading and shadowing.

But it was the exact opposite.

My firstborn was at my side muttering his dialogues out loud. My youngest was on a fit, demanding attention which made concentration totally impossible.

Fuck this, I told myself in frustration. I turned off my PC in spite of the aggravated tantrums in front of me.

My wife who just saw me snap asked me are you angry at us? No, I replied. Something is wrong, the balance is upset. Truly, attachment to things is the root of all sufferings. The less your expectations, the better. If nothing holds you back, nothing controls you, hence you are free, I continued.

What are the things that I allowed to get a hold of me? Quite a lot actually.

Technical blogging attachment

I’ve been building technical content of my own.

At first it was meant to be a diary for my own sake. But after quite sometime, there were others who have benefitted from it as well. And aside from having a database to document my technical know-how’s for future reference, I figured I’d also want to make a difference that can inspire the next generation and be a part of the force that will shape a better future.

So I have to be better at work and in documenting technical lessons that come with it. It was fulfilling putting a rather heavy, boring, and nerdy topic into a discussion tantamount to a casual talk while drinking booze.

The trouble is, after publishing a technical article, there is this peculiar feeling of emptiness that leaves me drained and exhausted that I feel the need to decompress for two to three days.

And the funny thing is, it feels similar to depression. And that it can only be cured in time or after publishing/posting some notes or memes of topics that elicit laughter or mental calisthenics. Or, it can be cured when I finally figured out what to write next.
Creative writing attachment

If technical writing makes me a body without a soul, creative writing is what replenishes the body with a fresh supply of spirit in order to qualify as a living being.

But if I stay on this too long, I become a steady visionary – a chronic daydreamer, that is. There were instances that I’m engrossed and attached with my thoughts that I begin to loathe reality.

If my technical self takes over, I consequently neglect my creative self which again makes me depressed. And I’d eventually hate my self in the process for failing to quickly transition from my technical to creative self.

Learning 日本語 attachment

I don’t know why I’m still engrossed in learning 日本語 when, as I had been saying before, I am not even sure if I can ever go to 日本 at all to work and much more to live there.


And yet here I am still, struggling for fluency and for finding time to study. But nonetheless I am still persevering, driven by nothing but a calling from deep within and a strange fire that stubbornly refuses to go out.

Whatnot attachments

Those, and a hell lot more.

Sages of old in their earthly forms, I am sure, also struggled with earthly attachments. Why not? We’re but sojourners in this world and we all have our own shares of tendencies to get attached to something such as prestige, power, money, women, sex, to name a few.

And at some point, we have experienced that lacking feeling of all of those mentioned above, albeit to varying degrees. The challenge is to keep the balance as it tips indefinitely on one side at times.

Or maybe I just need to completely detach myself for quite sometime. That worked for me before, I hope it will work again this time.

Sarah E – Pula ang Talulot ng Rosas

sinabi kong mahal kita

pero sabi mo mas mahal mo siya

mas maalab

mas masidhi

nais ko mang magdamdam

nang dahil sa iyong tinuran

ngunit batid kong ako ay

hanggang dun na lamang

pagkat banaag sayong mga mata

ang damdaming nagbabaga

makibaka para sa kanya

na pati ang buhay mo

ay walang alinlangang iyong itataya

wala akong magawa

mahal kita

pero mas mahal mo siya

kung kaya‘t ako ay nagparaya

sabay dalangin sa Poon

na gabayan ka sa dako paroon

at kung maaari ika‘y Kanyang ibalik

sa aking mga mahigpit na yakap at halik

at sakali mang ika’y mahapo

sa pagmamahal sa kanya

sa iyong pagmamahal

na di nya matumbasan

hiling ko na ako’y lingunin

pagkat nandito parin ako

na matyagang nagaantay sayo

na tayong muli ay magtatagpo

sa katahimikang

kaytagal mong tinalikuran

at ang naiwang pangarap

na ikaw at ako

nawa ay sabay na nating mabuo

NEWS

With the shared expertise of majority of mainstream media worldwide, it is just fitting to call them under one news agency:

F*CKS NEWS
"Where we f*ck the news real good, baby!"

Evening Star

I can’t help but think at times that I am an old soul trapped in a relatively young body.

Because while my genre that describes my overall style is rock and alternative, a part of my music spirit consists of country music. A familiar string is struck in me whenever I hear that western melody from the likes of Kenny Rogers, Alan Jackson and the like.

I was even thinking, if I can’t be friends with my generation and the younger ones, I am sure as hell that I can be friends with their parents and grandparents!

When Moral Support Backfires

In terms of acquiring motivation from all possible sources internal and external, in all your pursuits that you are passionate about, there are two things that you need to remember:

The bad news: You’re on your own.

There may be a lot of support groups, online and in physical groups like your club or your own family. The problem with this is that these shared fiery emotions once left untended will inevitably turn a blazing inferno to a dying ember.

You have to remember that other people have problems of their own to tend to, and that includes your closest friends and your very own family. The last thing that they have to worry about is for your motivation to stay intact. A lot of times you are on your own, even if you are within your support group. Your group can’t and won’t do EVERYTHING for you because there’s none other that will do the dirty work that needs to be done but you.

The good news: You’re on your own.

The bad news above given the right perspective really is good news in disguise. Because you are on your own, there is just you and you are enough. Of course you will be needing to equip yourself with all the tools you need to get better to get wherever you want to go.

The point is, upon realizing this, you already overpowered the thought that you need your own cheering squad for you to persevere especially when the going gets tough.

Without them, you still won’t give up, right? And will you stop doing the things you do just because your cheering squad ceased shouting well wishes for you?

Of course you wont. You are too stubborn, too naïve, and too busy to give a damn about anything that can hinder you from achieving whatever you want to achieve, which includes the finite and scarce resource of “support fuel” which you mistaken for an indispensable lifeline.

“There’s just you.”

If you’ve ever watched the first Kung Fu Panda movie, remember how Tai Lung (Shifu’s protégé) coveted the mythic scroll that will unleash great power to those who take possession of it. And it’s only in the end that it was revealed that there are no secret ingredients whatsoever. The scroll didn’t contain a genie or any lucky charm. It’s in the realization that there’s just you, and no one and nothing else.

This is not to discount the impact of motivation that one receives, in whatever form they may be and in whatever sources they might come from. I myself had been a recipient of receiving hope. Because hope is included in the gift called motivation.

But what can possibly cripple you is when you take that motivation as an “end all and be all” of everything, treating it as oxygen such that the absence of which spells the end of you.

There will come a time that you will need to be your own cheering squad, with no less than yourself leading that crowd.

You are not going to give up. Not even when people abandon you or when they become indifferent. Quitting is never an option because that’s not you, because you are more than that.

There’s only you and your dream. You don’t achieve it because somebody else is cheering for you. You achieve it because step by painful step, you are reaching for it until you finally grab it by the balls.

Similarities of the silent majority and the people who are just “done” in dealing with BS:

• They’ve already seen and weighed both sides.
• They’ve already made up their minds early on.
• They’ve already seen all the BS behind the smiling feces, errr faces.
• They have X-ray eyes that can see through all the BS still going on.
• They’re both silent and may only smile when asked or talked to. But it doesn’t mean that they’re stupid.
• Can differentiate between the evil and the evil opportunists.
• No longer engages in discussions/heated arguments against BS because it’s a complete waste of time.
• They no longer care about the BS opinion/peddled lies of others.
• Nothing that anybody else will say can change their mind unless it’s completely logical and consistent.
• Knows exactly how to deal with BS and peddlers of misinformation.
• Execute their decisions without second thoughts and in cold precision.
• They’ve already transcended the opposite of love (which is hate) to apathy to those espousing BS.