Don’t Hug the Hag

Be careful who you cling to

or who you choose to hug
lest you see her true self
the horrible hag

Whose breath of death reeks
and the foulest of odors
a blood-full rusty blade encased in sheath
and in one’s unwitting moment
at the back she’ll surely stab
and the poor soul
she’ll voraciously devour

She has not a genuine care
fake as her smile
and hollow laughter
that causes Hades
to fear and stutter
ye are all indispensable
heir to her kingdom of fire
but only up until
you give her her share

Get out of her, children
while you still can
before you totally soak up her ways
and be evil for the rest of your days
Tarry not
get out of her fold
for her lips speak of death
and horrors untold

Because the hag has
the ultimate crown:
the bitch
and the witch
all rolled into one

The Truth and the Bearer

Truth told by anyone regardless of their standing or background is still the truth. That truth can never be diminished much more nullified, we only think it does because of how we view the bearer.

- (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Motley Concoctions In A Blank Mind

INFJ Pisces Characteristics

(Copied from a Facebook comment. It just hit home that’s why.)

INFJ PISCES – An INFJ who is Pisces probably spends a lot of time immersed in the sea of their imagination.

The INFJ intuitive qualities will likely be more pronounced and the dreams they experience are vivid and full of symbolism and metaphor.

This person is probably highly creative and sensitive with a tendency to take things very personally.

The INFJ Pisces is deeply compassionate and they possess a sage-like wisdom and spiritual insight that is valuable to others.

Their naive and impressionable natures make them more susceptible to falling prey to the guiles of dishonest folks.

They may have difficulty observing things objectively and get blinded by their idealistic vision of what they hope to be.

INFJ Pisces is very tolerant and accepting but they may not be great judges of character.

They may be particularly subject to mood swing and bouts of depression.

They can fall victim to self-defeating and self-sabotaging thoughts and behavior.

They may need the influence of a more dominant personality to keep them in check and nurture them with positivity and love.

The INFJ Pisces is hard to pin down and can be like chameleons taking on the qualities of the people around them.

They tend to absorb other’s energy both negative and positive and so it is especially important for them to stay away from toxic people.

It’s A Category IV Hur.. – What?!

2020 had been weird. But I hope 2021 won’t get any “weirder” such that rather than hearing news about Category IV hurricanes brewing in the oceans, we will be anticipating Category IV kaijus instead.

Kulas de Malas

It is believed that the noise created by fireworks and other merry making means during Christmas season and especially on New Year’s Eve can ward off bad luck or “malas”.

So if you’re wondering why on earth does your neighbor’s blaring speakers are aimed towards your house all year round, do understand that he’s just trying to make sure that, well…

Once a fella cared too much…

Those who don’t give a fuck once gave too many fucks about everything.

(The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

The Killing Cross

(Circa April 2016)

“The sound of my gun is my music.”

Perched unknown atop a tree
In a city turned rubbles, lost in the debris
White in the snow, ready to pounce
Concealed in the shadow, all set to trounce.

Clutched in my hands, my lifeline and friend
Ammos in check, scope and armor in perfect blend
It’s them or me, it ain’t a choice
My rifle – my unmuffled voice.

The hunter balks ever so patiently
Stalking the blind and unwitting prey
A couple of inch is all it takes
You’ll forever sleep in scattered bits.

The cross is forever etched in my vision
Resting on the temple, buried in the bosom
This is the world, all the world to me
The trigger’s your switch, concludes your destiny.

Never blink even for a split second
The scarlet dot’s in between your eyes
Or a crown, a tiny crimson one
The reaper’s scythe all set to smite.

Temple by temple, one click at a time
Like dominoes, inanimately turn grime
Chests popping, heads exploding
“It ain’t gonna be me, ain’t gonna be mine!”

Forgive me brother ‘tis not my will
It’s all for peace, for good to be still
You’re not evil, I’m neither saint
They’re waiting, my child and my girl, with hope not faint.

Now take a breath, take all you can
Don’t blink, be whist and be sober
Eyes wide open or shut real tight
One cock and pull, and it’s all over.

Forgive me if you’re all over…

The Return of the Crowd of Grumblers

 

“Maski mga di binaha nakipila tapos sila pa yung mareklamo.”

So went the post in our subdivision’s homeowners Facebook page referring to what happened during the distribution of relief goods through the local parish. Luckily, we’re in a certain part of the subdivision which was left untouched by floods due to the previous typhoon. For some reason, even our neighbors who were not directly affected by the calamity nor desperately in need of relief goods were present during the distribution and they were the ones being referred to as the grumblers.

I wondered why of all people present, those who were more fortunate were the ones who had the gall to grumble and behave as entitled brats instead of responsible adults.

Sure everyone has his/her own reasons why they were present in the queue. Perhaps their supplies at home were already low or they have financial difficulties. But the grumbling part, well, I don’t know how to make sense out of which.

One possible reason that I can think of is people expect equality over equity. Regardless of the situation and individual circumstances, everyone should receive equal items. That means anyone should receive the same grocery and relief items as everyone else. The severely affected could have been given something more and better if those who can still manage will yield for their less fortunate fellows.

Another plausible explanation is, because they may not have yet experienced how to be humbled by any experience, disaster or otherwise, in which you will consider everything given to you as a blessing and gratitude is the only fitting response.

It was only then that I fully understood what Pope Francis meant when he said giving is not enough. We also have to experience to be on the receiving end and that is to receive humbly and graciously from both God and people, with no grumbling involved.

Fuck The Soulmate Mentality!

Love with our significant other is like a heart-shaped jigsaw puzzle made up of two pieces. And due to the novelty of our experiences together, each puzzle piece have intricate, unique patterns that can fit perfectly to only one piece.

But what people fail to realize is that it’s not just a trial and error fitting spree. It involves the painful process of refining the edges, cutting an edge to accommodate the other piece, and extending some parts to fill the gaps of the other.

The interesting thing is, this gap that we’re trying to fill in order to piece together this puzzle, is dynamic. Such that, the patterns change in our lifetime and thus the process of cutting, welding, and grinding are perennial processes necessary to keep the love puzzle in perfect fit.

Moral of the story? FUCK THE SOULMATE MENTALITY!

Praise Aleluya!

“Jeez! What’s that word again?!”

A man is receiving instructions on how to navigate with his peculiar newly-bought horse.

“When you want it to move, say ‘Praise Aleluya!’ And to stop, say ‘Aamen’ got that?”

“Roger that,” said the man and shouted “praise aleluya” and got his horse galloping in no time.

“Aamen, Aamen,” the man said testing the “breaks” pulling the horse to a complete stop.

“Cool!” he muttered to himself.

And so the man, to his joy, traversed through the meadows with his horse lost in his thoughts about his good fortune, when he realized that he’s heading right straight to a 200-foot cliff.

Panic-stricken, the man desperately tried to remember the word for stop when suddenly he managed to shout “Aamen!” just in time for the horse to stop in it’s next step into the jagged rocks below.

“Whew!” cried the man in relief while holding high his right fist. “I know I count on You.

And I can never thank you enough Lord. PRAISE ALELUYA!!!”

See You On The Other Side, Jamir Garcia

You’re one of my role models on what it means to be a badass.

Dammit man, dammit!

I hope you will find peace, dammit Jamir, dammit!…

Boomer Journals 3 – Power Outages Expose the Buck Nakedness of Our Souls

A couple of predicaments we faced the morning after a hell of a night of a ferocious typhoon: the lack of water and electricity. It would have been manageable if at least the water supply was spared even if the power is out. The typhoon however, had been too kind not to take one without the other.

So we had no water and no electricity. That’s fine. At least the roof stayed intact despite the sustained strong winds, flood never made it inside the house and most importantly there’s food.

But of course one must not get stuck on either feeling sorry or overwhelming gratitude. You gotta get going because life must, well you know, go on.

No H2O

Thankfully we had more than enough drinking water so consequently, cooking isn’t going to be an issue. Except that you will need something to wash the dishes, the “kaserola” and the “kaldero“. And(!), to flush the pungent toilet bowl saturated with piss. Not to mention the dreaded instance when you have to answer an urgent call from nature.

The good news though was that our neighbors from the adjacent village offers potable water. The bad news is, it was 50 meters or so from our house and I have nothing but sheer muscle power.

I can’t help but remember my childhood when I used to fetch water from a pump well, pail by pail until the 150 liters container is filled including the “kambong” or “tapayan“, an earthen drinking water container.

“kambong” in Iloko and “tapayan” in TagalogAdd caption

Those required serious muscle moments as well.

While I seem to reminisce those memories with relish, those were unpleasant but necessary chores essential to maintain the balance of everyday living. But even if it was uncool, they taught me a lot about the nuts and bolts of existence. Those were instances where you don’t have a choice but to embrace the suck that comes with it and utter expletives inorder to let off steam.

There’s plenty of time to do that anyway, while hauling water from a distance. If there’s one thing you will be proud to rediscover about yourself and humanity in general, it is the fact that we are natural polyglots when it comes to the sweet science of swearing.

No electric current

My phone’s battery went dead so I couldn’t keep myself busy online to temporarily forget about our misery.

I don’t mind that I didn’t know what’s happening online. I can live with that anyway. And besides, there are more pressing issues such as having dinner before dark and getting ourselves ready for bed before sundown in order to extend the life of a lone candle up until 8:00 PM.

We have trees all around our small house so humidity is not an issue. Mosquitoes are but a minor annoyance as well, thanks to our “moskiteros” which also serve as balms to our feet.

It’s been years if not decades since I experienced days on end without electricity. But at least I have those past experiences to tap into so I knew exactly what to expect. The kids however do not have anything at all except this one, their first time.

It’s tough to see them lamenting about our predicament. But at least they now have their first ever experience of what it feels like without power.

Those two nights were dark and quiet with only a few lit candle sticks illuminating homes in our neighborhood. Not eerie though but peaceful. Flashbacks of farm life flooded my consciousness where we had to go to bed before 8:00 in the evening. I got used to it before that I can say I enjoyed the dark, the sound of crickets, the stories needed to get us drowsy, and the company of family.

Finally – and there was light

It took three days and two nights before power was restored. The water supply however took more than a week after to go back to normal.

The momentary absence of electricity and water supply can teach a lot about ourselves. Yes, the absence of our basic comforts can be a blessing if only show our nakedness. We are closer to our souls when our attachments which we often mistook as our main identity and the end all and be all of our being, are lifted off our shoulders. For some, power interruption is enough to get their souls buck naked. For others, it would take more than that to expose their nakedness.

And then there was light, finally.

My reflections borne out of blackout and interrupted water service served me well towards another illuminated outlook at life as well as a short-lived entertainment. But of course, along with everybody else, this boomer was glad the electricity was back!

Tangible Surrealism

I often hear people say I'm always out of touch with reality,

I just laugh at their naiveté.

They wouldn’t understand the pact I made with myself anyway:

to come home frequently to the only place where all things are real…

Boomer Journals 2 – Of Heaven and Angels

 

Without cellular phones back in the days, what we’re left with to entertain ourselves most of the time is our imagination. They often come in handy, regardless if you’re asleep or not. Those momentary respites from reality can be disturbing but still something to be thankful for nonetheless, because they provided entertainment.

Just like that one time while I was driving somewhere in Cubao. I saw this chic, a beautiful lady behind the wheels. The mere sight of her casted a spell on me that I instantaneously followed her car. I just noticed a second too late as I was making a turn that another vehicle is speeding towards me, tires screeching, horns blaring, and all. And it was lights out after that.

When I regained consciousness, I found myself in the hospital. Things were a bit gray and I’m a bit groggy but I remember seeing mom by my side. She assured me that my attending physician is her personal choice and that I’d be alright.

Just as I was struggling to get myself together, the nurse in full regalia of an angel in white and the face and body of Aphrodite’s proportion entered and was headed towards me. And even as I am yet in delirium, I managed to ask her:

“♬♪Ale, nasa langit na ba ako?♩♪♫♬”

Boomer Journals 1 – Concrete Nails

What irked the working man before, is the toughness of the concrete wall/floor. Because it entails blistered palms due to several hammer blows just to drive a concrete nail through it.

What’s so stressful nowadays however, is you can’t even drive a concrete nail with a second blow without the freaking nail getting bent out of shape.

That’s how it used to.

When the going is unyielding just like the obstinate wall/slab, you don’t bend your stand and your principles on the first resistance. And there are instances when you have to stand your ground instead of taking a detour. In those times what you have to do, or what you have to be, is to be obstinate yourself.

Toughness like the quality that previous concrete nails exhibit, does not mean the absence of any traces of fear, nor the lack of doubts and tears. Toughness is staying true to the mission despite the fact that it may take more than one, tens, hundreds or even thousands of blows.

It’s about getting tougher and holding the line until you finally pierce that shit.

Damn modern day concrete nails…



#BoomerJournals

Is it a sin, to ask for the rain?

is it a sin
to ask for the rain?
to the delight
of wilting shrubs
and emaciated roots,
for life to persist
with fresh new shoots;

is it a sin
to ask for the rain?
that'll wash the grime
of what had been,
rid the burden
of things tentative
and uncertain.

Too Much Attachment Can Fill You

I knew it!

I just realized that I’ve been too attached once again while I was excitedly checking out another subscription I made to a Japanese learning website one evening. I wasn’t able to contain my excitement thinking how this new-found website might help accelerate my Japanese speaking and reading skills.

So I was there in my seat in front of my PC imagining myself in peace, completely absorbed in reading and shadowing.

But it was the exact opposite.

My firstborn was at my side muttering his dialogues out loud. My youngest was on a fit, demanding attention which made concentration totally impossible.

Fuck this, I told myself in frustration. I turned off my PC in spite of the aggravated tantrums in front of me.

My wife who just saw me snap asked me are you angry at us? No, I replied. Something is wrong, the balance is upset. Truly, attachment to things is the root of all sufferings. The less your expectations, the better. If nothing holds you back, nothing controls you, hence you are free, I continued.

What are the things that I allowed to get a hold of me? Quite a lot actually.

Technical blogging attachment

I’ve been building technical content of my own.

At first it was meant to be a diary for my own sake. But after quite sometime, there were others who have benefitted from it as well. And aside from having a database to document my technical know-how’s for future reference, I figured I’d also want to make a difference that can inspire the next generation and be a part of the force that will shape a better future.

So I have to be better at work and in documenting technical lessons that come with it. It was fulfilling putting a rather heavy, boring, and nerdy topic into a discussion tantamount to a casual talk while drinking booze.

The trouble is, after publishing a technical article, there is this peculiar feeling of emptiness that leaves me drained and exhausted that I feel the need to decompress for two to three days.

And the funny thing is, it feels similar to depression. And that it can only be cured in time or after publishing/posting some notes or memes of topics that elicit laughter or mental calisthenics. Or, it can be cured when I finally figured out what to write next.
Creative writing attachment

If technical writing makes me a body without a soul, creative writing is what replenishes the body with a fresh supply of spirit in order to qualify as a living being.

But if I stay on this too long, I become a steady visionary – a chronic daydreamer, that is. There were instances that I’m engrossed and attached with my thoughts that I begin to loathe reality.

If my technical self takes over, I consequently neglect my creative self which again makes me depressed. And I’d eventually hate my self in the process for failing to quickly transition from my technical to creative self.

Learning 日本語 attachment

I don’t know why I’m still engrossed in learning 日本語 when, as I had been saying before, I am not even sure if I can ever go to 日本 at all to work and much more to live there.


And yet here I am still, struggling for fluency and for finding time to study. But nonetheless I am still persevering, driven by nothing but a calling from deep within and a strange fire that stubbornly refuses to go out.

Whatnot attachments

Those, and a hell lot more.

Sages of old in their earthly forms, I am sure, also struggled with earthly attachments. Why not? We’re but sojourners in this world and we all have our own shares of tendencies to get attached to something such as prestige, power, money, women, sex, to name a few.

And at some point, we have experienced that lacking feeling of all of those mentioned above, albeit to varying degrees. The challenge is to keep the balance as it tips indefinitely on one side at times.

Or maybe I just need to completely detach myself for quite sometime. That worked for me before, I hope it will work again this time.

Sarah E – Pula ang Talulot ng Rosas

sinabi kong mahal kita

pero sabi mo mas mahal mo siya

mas maalab

mas masidhi

nais ko mang magdamdam

nang dahil sa iyong tinuran

ngunit batid kong ako ay

hanggang dun na lamang

pagkat banaag sayong mga mata

ang damdaming nagbabaga

makibaka para sa kanya

na pati ang buhay mo

ay walang alinlangang iyong itataya

wala akong magawa

mahal kita

pero mas mahal mo siya

kung kaya‘t ako ay nagparaya

sabay dalangin sa Poon

na gabayan ka sa dako paroon

at kung maaari ika‘y Kanyang ibalik

sa aking mga mahigpit na yakap at halik

at sakali mang ika’y mahapo

sa pagmamahal sa kanya

sa iyong pagmamahal

na di nya matumbasan

hiling ko na ako’y lingunin

pagkat nandito parin ako

na matyagang nagaantay sayo

na tayong muli ay magtatagpo

sa katahimikang

kaytagal mong tinalikuran

at ang naiwang pangarap

na ikaw at ako

nawa ay sabay na nating mabuo

NEWS

With the shared expertise of majority of mainstream media worldwide, it is just fitting to call them under one news agency:

F*CKS NEWS
"Where we f*ck the news real good, baby!"

Evening Star

I can’t help but think at times that I am an old soul trapped in a relatively young body.

Because while my genre that describes my overall style is rock and alternative, a part of my music spirit consists of country music. A familiar string is struck in me whenever I hear that western melody from the likes of Kenny Rogers, Alan Jackson and the like.

I was even thinking, if I can’t be friends with my generation and the younger ones, I am sure as hell that I can be friends with their parents and grandparents!

When Moral Support Backfires

In terms of acquiring motivation from all possible sources internal and external, in all your pursuits that you are passionate about, there are two things that you need to remember:

The bad news: You’re on your own.

There may be a lot of support groups, online and in physical groups like your club or your own family. The problem with this is that these shared fiery emotions once left untended will inevitably turn a blazing inferno to a dying ember.

You have to remember that other people have problems of their own to tend to, and that includes your closest friends and your very own family. The last thing that they have to worry about is for your motivation to stay intact. A lot of times you are on your own, even if you are within your support group. Your group can’t and won’t do EVERYTHING for you because there’s none other that will do the dirty work that needs to be done but you.

The good news: You’re on your own.

The bad news above given the right perspective really is good news in disguise. Because you are on your own, there is just you and you are enough. Of course you will be needing to equip yourself with all the tools you need to get better to get wherever you want to go.

The point is, upon realizing this, you already overpowered the thought that you need your own cheering squad for you to persevere especially when the going gets tough.

Without them, you still won’t give up, right? And will you stop doing the things you do just because your cheering squad ceased shouting well wishes for you?

Of course you wont. You are too stubborn, too naïve, and too busy to give a damn about anything that can hinder you from achieving whatever you want to achieve, which includes the finite and scarce resource of “support fuel” which you mistaken for an indispensable lifeline.

“There’s just you.”

If you’ve ever watched the first Kung Fu Panda movie, remember how Tai Lung (Shifu’s protégé) coveted the mythic scroll that will unleash great power to those who take possession of it. And it’s only in the end that it was revealed that there are no secret ingredients whatsoever. The scroll didn’t contain a genie or any lucky charm. It’s in the realization that there’s just you, and no one and nothing else.

This is not to discount the impact of motivation that one receives, in whatever form they may be and in whatever sources they might come from. I myself had been a recipient of receiving hope. Because hope is included in the gift called motivation.

But what can possibly cripple you is when you take that motivation as an “end all and be all” of everything, treating it as oxygen such that the absence of which spells the end of you.

There will come a time that you will need to be your own cheering squad, with no less than yourself leading that crowd.

You are not going to give up. Not even when people abandon you or when they become indifferent. Quitting is never an option because that’s not you, because you are more than that.

There’s only you and your dream. You don’t achieve it because somebody else is cheering for you. You achieve it because step by painful step, you are reaching for it until you finally grab it by the balls.

Similarities of the silent majority and the people who are just “done” in dealing with BS:

• They’ve already seen and weighed both sides.
• They’ve already made up their minds early on.
• They’ve already seen all the BS behind the smiling feces, errr faces.
• They have X-ray eyes that can see through all the BS still going on.
• They’re both silent and may only smile when asked or talked to. But it doesn’t mean that they’re stupid.
• Can differentiate between the evil and the evil opportunists.
• No longer engages in discussions/heated arguments against BS because it’s a complete waste of time.
• They no longer care about the BS opinion/peddled lies of others.
• Nothing that anybody else will say can change their mind unless it’s completely logical and consistent.
• Knows exactly how to deal with BS and peddlers of misinformation.
• Execute their decisions without second thoughts and in cold precision.
• They’ve already transcended the opposite of love (which is hate) to apathy to those espousing BS.

火がまだ燃えている

 

As I am still learning 日本語, I came across an app HelloTalk, where you can meet natives of your target language, 日本語 in my case, and have your grammar corrected in return via a friendly exchange.

There are also Japanese natives in HelloTalk who want to learn English and Filipino. Strange as it may seem, other nationalities are also craving to learn Filipino not only for the sake of wanting to learn Filipino as a language, but also because they wanted to become a Filipino, starting with the language.

The frustration

I’ve gone through great lengths of getting frustrated, motivated, and obsessed while learning, and back again. And I’d give a resounding “YES”, I am STILL that desperate to learn the Japanese language by any means.

In fact, whenever I see a post from a Japanese native, I can’t help but turn green with jealousy wishing I can also write with the same fluency as a native. I know, I am unrealistic sometimes and I can get upset that easy when I feel that I can’t seem to achieve swiftly what I wanted to achieve.

Collaring myself and asking why

But really, I tried to ask myself, despite the frequent frustration when I see how far still am I to my goal, why do I keep going back to wanting to learn?

And why do I even persist given that I cannot even assure myself that I will be able to go to Japan, and much more work or live there? And why am I that stubborn to learn the language even when I am already aware of the many pressing issues that the Japanese people are facing nowadays?

No such thing as a perfect country

My country isn’t perfect and so does Japan. All countries have two extremes, the commendable and the not so cool stuff, both deeply embedded in the culture. But I chose to stick with the duality because, well it’s part of everything. It doesn’t mean condoning the wrong. There’s always room for improvement in everything.

One does not reside in the light alone nor one is completely ignorant of the light. One gets a taste of the other occasionally as the balance tips over either the dichotomy.

Exchange of spirits and minds

I tried to write the first part of that explanation in 日本語 (with all the faulty grammar and wrong choice of words) until I can no longer go any further due to my limited vocabulary so I continued it in English and posted it in HelloTalk.

And then a native replied.

Yep, that’s from a Japanese native!

Just enjoy the learning process

I can’t help but smile at his Tagalog which is a “textbook” type of Tagalog. And maybe it is the same with him, laughing at my unnatural and bookish 日本語 instead of a conversational one. But neither of which mattered. I am learning piece by piece, and the same is true for him and perhaps all the other language learners out there.

What mattered is that we are enjoying the process of getting wrong, getting corrected and improving. And slowly but surely we are getting closer to our previous selves one word and grammar at a time.

またね!

Kindness is a Fucking Choice

Our actions, including how they affect others, don’t just depend on our overall attitude. It also depends on our circumstances, where we are not always in control.

Unfortunately, what people remember is how we made them feel regardless of any justifiable circumstances most especially if they ended up being hurt. And this is true in spite of our lack of intention to hurt anyone.

Being kind no matter what, except for situations that warrant a just reproach, is a choice we can take. Because one way or another, we had been a witness of how the simplest acts of kindness went beyond our expectations, transcended time and people, turned things upside down, and created unfathomable miracles in people’s lives.

Choose to be kind.

Thanks To Those Who Didn’t Want To Be Associated With Me

Deep gratitude I have
        to those who rejected me:
those who wouldn’t want me
        in their group
those who didn’t want me
        in their company
those who labelled me weird,
        freak, and a dupe

If not for them,
        I would’ve settled indefinitely
Wouldn’t have been lost,
        hurt, and known agony
Would’ve remained in shackles,
        wouldn’t have been set free
I never would’ve wandered,
        I never would’ve found me.

Focus on Your Flow, Not Your Flaw

"Rather than devoting all your energies

in magnifying your flaws,

commit that enthusiasm instead

to finding your flow."

- (The) Name's Not At All Relevant

You, A Creation of A Higher Vibration

You

yes you,

a being

vibrating

at a

higher

frequency:

never bow

your head

nor be

ashamed

of what

you

posses.

I know

the pain

it caused

you,

how

it alienated

you from

the

very

crowd

with

vibrations

that

you

wanted

to be

a

part of.

But

instead

of

suffering

with

what

you perceive

as a

disability

and

limitation,

embrace it

and

wave it

like a flag.

Because

it signifies

your

sovereignty

and

your

freedom.

It isn’t

a status

that says

you

are

better

or

inferior

to everyone

else.

It is

far

more

remarkable

than that:

it

signifies

YOU!

Performing for Our Ultimate Audience

 

We are our very own grand audience.

This is what the universe wanted to tell us early on. But too often, this only becomes clear the moment we are ready to listen.

At first, we have to get preoccupied with our “practice” audiences, the ones we thought were the ultimate ones. Even if we vehemently deny it, we spend 95% of our energies trying to please them all: those who are genuinely interested to see our best selves, the ones who don’t give a damn, and those who grin the moment they see our imminent demise.

The reaction of our audience can get us hurt at times. And oftentimes, we label ourselves a success every time they give us the impression of them listening. This is how we accord the opinion of our audience with tremendous power by making it a gauge of our success. Recklessly, we build the very foundation of ourselves using our audiences’ reactions. That is how harebrained we can get.

But that’s normal.

That’s a part of being human.

Despite of a lot of folks telling us to always observe and learn from the mistakes of others in order to not repeat them and get hurt, reality is, life is not a lesson in algebra that can be solved with a definite solution. Rather, it is an experiential one. You have to go through the painful process. To inevitably fall but to get back up better than the previous. No buts, no ifs, no shortcuts.

That’s what it takes when performing in front of an audience.

The important thing to realize is, these are but necessary preparations, a dry run, aimed at gathering our nerves, our guts, and the balls required before facing our ultimate audience: which is none other than ourselves.

母語 (Mother Tongue)

For this 

unequivocal truth 

my faith 

doth rest: 

my once unintelligible 

soul's commune 

with the universe, 

in a different language 

in my true native tongue 

will be 

bared 

unraveled 

made known to me 

and then, 

I 

shall 

be 

set 

free...

- (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

もうメランコリック曲

 悲しくなってしまった...

If Anything's Worth Showing Off, It's Your Scars

Never be ashamed to flaunt your scars. Because someday, a lost soul with similar wounds will be in desperate need to know how the hell did you make it out alive.

- (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Staying True to their Calling, Wokes and Yellows Remain Consistent with Their Inconsistencies

In engineering, the way to assure that the design or the system works is through consistency. If the desired outcomes are consistently observed, the designer is assured of a peaceful night's sleep.

At the start of the design process, it is expected that the output will be random and all over the place. That's normal. Over time however, after a few iterations and calibration, a pattern will emerge. That's predictability. It is extremely important because it is the only indication that the system or the design is working out fine.

The problem begins when the expected response becomes erratic after calibration. When that happens, it is certain that something is wrong.

The same can be applied to wokes and the Yellowtards. Their consistent inconsistencies that they are exhibiting are indications of hypocrisy, and double/triple even multiple standards.

They specialize in cherry-picking and moulding current issues to fit their narratives while ignoring facts that will tear apart their faulty arguments. You have to admire however, their persistence in making these episodes on social media on a regular basis such that the usual initial reactions of anger and eye-rolls can now be replaced with a grin and/or a chuckle.

One example of their hypocrisies are those who irresponsibly insisted on organizing rallies despite of them being fully aware that rallies are perfect grounds for transmission of the Covid-19 virus. Recently, they joined the popular cry to give the medical frontliners their much needed timeout to recharge.

Risa Hontiveros in a previous interview with Arnold Clavio cried foul over the sexism and “slut-shaming” of her fellow senator Leila Delima during the congress hearings, and yet she wasn't able to utter anything sensible when asked about her reaction regarding Ronnie Dayan’s legal wife being hurt as the illicit relationship unfolded on national TV.

Defenders of the now defunct ABS-CBN franchise used emotional blackmail against the government particularly the congressmen on the alleged 11,000 workers that will be displaced. And yet these defenders were eerily silent when the network sought every means necessary to delay the just compensation of Weng Hidalgo. Same with the issue of technical personnel who filed labor malpractice against the network and won. Were there any mass gatherings conducted to air their support and to condemn the clear violation of their rights?

Some Catholic priests who allowed themselves to be prostituted by politics even wished for the president to get sick (and only God knows who else are on their wish list).

Those and a lot more, just to name a few.

The problem with being inconsistent, is that it raises red flags with sensible observers. Instead of making their arguments sound to convince the public, they continued to hurl insults to the majority (an overwhelming majority, based on surveys) by tagging them as “bobo”. And as such, they drove the final nails to their political coffins as the silent majority voted them out in the recent elections.

Disillusionment is but one of the many problems with having multiple moralities instead of calling a spade a spade whether it’s in ones' favor or not. Another is you need to keep track of how you stand on different issues, which has become a constant stumbling block for Leni Robredo. And she drew a lot of flak already from the very people they desperately needed on their side.

That’s where we need to check our own biases and be consistent to call out what’s wrong even if it means confronting the very people who are on the same page as ours. This is especially true for the opposition and their woke supporters if they want to stay relevant and not be perpetually viewed as clowns and nuisance. Because inconsistency is a stink, an indication that something is rotten from within. And it isn't something that's going to help the country nor the Liberal Party's dream of getting back to power.

Until

I stare intently at my dreams –

Until I end up loathing every bit of my here and now.

Until it hurts.

Until I bleed.

Until my bed is soaked like a wet sponge.

Until the entire floor turns crimson.

Until my slippers are taken by the current and they find their way out of the door.

Until I come back to my senses and realize that something hurts.

Until I realize that that something that hurts, is me thinking of what should be while lying on my bed doing nothing.

Until I realize that nothing will suffice to kindle my inner fire to get it back to life but to get the fuck off my bed and get something done to inch closer to my prize. What is that fucking something, exactly? Anything. Because anything’s better than nothing. It is said that when I start looking for it, it will start looking for me as well. I need to believe in that something.

Until I see that dream with my very own eyes. Tangible, and already in the present instead of being confined only within the bounds of my skull. Until I lay my hands on it. And take possession of which. But until then, I’ll take that first step forward and will keep on moving.

Until it hurts to move. Until I’ve reached my limit for the day. Until every muscle is sore. Until my brain starts to yell ‘enough!’ I’ll keep pushing through until it hurts. Fuck that hurt anyway. It hurts more just staring at my dreams and doing nothing to achieve them. I bet it will hurt less when I am mobile than when I’m static.

Until my dreams become my here and now.

Share

We learn things differently.

Some take it slow, digesting one lesson at a time. Some like a fast-paced tempo, voraciously gobbling things up as much as they can on one sitting.

Some prefer books. Others prefer electronic books, podcasts, videos, and whatnot. Some learn a lot in a group. Some learn a lot more when in solitude. Some find it more practical to learn from others. Some find it more effective to learn via a first hand experience.

We won’t ever find a one-size-fits-all solution. What is effective to others isn’t a guarantee that it will work for us. Because the only instance that you will learn something is when the learning materials, in whatever form they may be, resonate with our very own vibrations.

So don’t worry if you don’t feel the best out there. It isn’t a prerequisite before you find yourself worthy of sharing what you have. What you only have to do is improve the message and the messenger. And share.

Somebody is in desperate need for your message, whether it’s your art, talent, hobbies, or business. Share it. For you will never know how far the ripples of your good deeds will go.

And what you have may be somebody else’s lifeline.

Never deny anyone of their only lifeline.

Share.

What is the difference between a black hole and an asshole?

The chances of finding ourselves inside the event horizon of a blackhole is 1 in a billion while the probability of finding ourselves near an asshole is – well, it’s either we are sitting right next to one or we need a mirror to see the one…

- (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

The Mathematics of Procrastination

This is true for procrastinators: the amount of their free time is inversely proportional to their potential accomplishments. Expounding that argument, the less free time one has, the more he can accomplish. Conversely, one can accomplish less if he has a lot of free time. - (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

How to Know That You Have Already Forgiven Someone

"You know you've already forgiven someone when, instead of wishing him drowning in the burning lake of sulfur and brimstone, you silently pray that he's safe and warm in the shore." - (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Motel Exam

A motel owner and his receptionist in an argument:

"What, are you out of your freaking mind?! Why did you let them in when it's already obvious that they are minors. And they're even in their uniforms for crying out loud! Do you want to get us into trouble?!!!"

"They said they will be having an exam."

"Exam? Exactly what type of exam?!"

"Oh, they said oral and fill in the blanks..."

credits to the owner of the photo

Listening to Kick-Ass Japanese Indie, Alternative, Rock Songs

かわいいですよね!

I so love alternative and rock and Japan has a lot of talents even in the indie sector. And I so love my second home.

いつか日本にいくよ!

My Kind of Girl With Glasses

Curvy and drop-dead gorgeous lady news anchors are a must. But Isa Avendaño-Umali is more than that. She is just, damn it, – PERFECT!

"Annoying Dad" & "Annoying the Kids" Games

In the game of "Annoying Dad", my firstborn continually upgrades his skills such that he always breaks his previous record. All he has to do in the game is - well, annoy me.

Don't get me wrong. Children are a bunch of joy. Period. And part of raising them will inevitably involve moments that your only defense in order to maintain your sanity is to laugh at how they can trigger your nerves. 

The game is one way obviously. There is only one giver and one very lucky receiver, and that's me. That is until I finally figured out a way to level the playing ground.

Right after watching the evening news, I chimed in with the intro of a TV program a high pitched "UW-WEH!, UW-WEH!, UW-WEH!," while key events from the previous episode are being replayed on the screen.

Embarrassed, he put both his hands on his ears while shouting for me to stop. But the more he demanded for me to stop, the more I chanted the silly "UW-WEH!, UW-WEH!, UW-WEH!," until he finally ran away, his hands still on his ears while laughing and cringing, all at the same time. 

Ooooh yeah!

Direct hit

Mission accomplished

One point for Dad.

Forsaking Something Worth Forsaking

“If there is any instance where infidelity is to be welcomed and encouraged is when you ditch your sacred matrimonial vows with your old familiar feelings of emptiness, sorrow, unworthiness, despair, anxiety, and depression and to finally possess the courage to walk away in search for something better.”

- (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Finding A Gem In A Vast Ocean

“Writing is like fishing in the ocean with your bare hands. You scour the depths and breadth, only to surface with a handful.”

- (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Inner World

Have you ever experienced how intense your inner world can get that you feel exhausted when you come back to your senses? - (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Living or Romanticizing Life

 

It’s either you live your life, or you philosophize it. Well, I live mine – by philosophizing it. - (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

Melancholic Melody

 

Melancholic tunes are portals to our past, and a gateway towards a beloved deeply intertwined with the fabric of our souls who in like manner longs for our presence from the unknown extents of the universe.

- (The) Name’s Not At All Relevant

To the fellow lost soul from hither yonder

Wherever you are, I hope you are doing well.

It’s comforting to know that whatever you’re currently doing, you are seeing another reality and perhaps living a similar or a different story altogether. I pray that it is a beautiful story. That flipside of reality in relation to mine must be very beautiful indeed, magical even. Is it really? Yep I do hope it is. Not that everything I have in here sucks but I’ve always pondered on what lies in there on your side, but you know, things here are mundane given this time of a pandemic. So if you are currently in a time of a great lull, well at least it’s kickass compared to dealing with a pandemic threatening to wipe out the population.

How am I doing? Fine I guess. Maybe because I finally found the courage to write you something instead of just floating around your formlessness in the bounds of my mind. I hope you wouldn’t mind but I’d really love to talk about how you are doing right now instead of flooding this precious space dedicated to you, of things about me.

So howdy? Having a nice adventure somewhere? How’s the weather? Happy people you have there? How is the other side of the world? May not be in this world that I’ve grown into but somewhere in the vast expanse of the cosmos.

I don’t think we still need introductions, do we? Finally we get to meet, so yep, here we are finally bridging the gap…

The only reason I know you exist is because of a melancholic piece that I am listening to right now. I am extremely certain that you are not only a figment of my imagination. You are not just conjured out of nowhere. Our past is tied, and maybe as such is our future. I know and believe that you already figured that out yourself a long time ago and that it pestered you in as much as it pestered me just as well. I’m sorry if the thought of me annoyed you for a lot of times. I too, am bugged by the thought that there is someone like you somewhere out there and I just cannot fully comprehend why. But I’m certain that someone is linked to my soul in which even quantum shit and all that cannot explain.

I know you are out there. I just don’t know where. Maybe it will remain as such until, well until who knows when. But if I were to ask God I hope you are currently in this world, at this very instance that I am keying all of this on my keyboard, offering a silent prayer to the vastness. Yes, to pray is all I can do even if it may just be another one of those doomed to get lost into nothingness, but I hope this small prayer of mine will find you and let you know that I am here, and I’m thinking of you. Yes I have you in my mind.

And I hope you are thinking of me too.

Each stroke of the key hits my soul, a different vibration, a slightly different twang that is yet to be discovered and added to the particle zoo. Can you feel it too? Does it send you the same feeling? The feeling of nostalgia, something pleasant but at the same time heart rending. Do you happen to know Stockholm Syndrome where you build some connection with your captors? The captor is this music right here. It is hurting me and yet I keep coming back to it to feel the hurt, because it’s only then that I can keep coming back to you to feel you.

I’m curious as to how you look. Flowing hair? Short hair? Fair complexion or colored? Bouncy or flat busts? It doesn’t really matter because I’ve already touched your soul as you already did to mine. I just hope I’d have a tangible face to remember, a face I can hold, a body I can share my warmth with, lips that I can press my lips with, a parcel of my soul so dear and so loved that I cannot really fathom how God blessed me with everything.

What’s giving me assurance is the thought that you are also thinking of me. Like myself, I know you can barely picture my face as I can hardly do to you. But I rest in the faith that we both are unconsciously longing to know each other. That time will come I know. And I know that you feel it too.

But even if I am longing so much to see you right now, I regret to say that I cannot take your hand right away and take you in haste to the stars. You see, I’ve already made my choices, and I am never gonna regret nor forsake them. But when my life is over and after serving my time, we’ll have our chance. I hope by that time, through God’s great mercy it will be our chance to be exclusive to one another.

But for now, even a glimpse of you will give me enough hope and faith to look forward to the next lifetime hoping that I’d finally get to meet you there.

Wherever you are right now, at the seashore, atop a skyscraper, overlooking valleys and mountains or great plains, please be strong. For yourself and for both of us. I know that someday, God would allow me to meet you finally. Maybe not in this world and neither the next. But I know there will come a time where we can fill each other with our essence and love. I cannot do so much but to write this to you while waiting for that blessed day that I will finally lay my eyes on you and we can hold each other. Two lost souls in the cosmos. Separated by distance or even time but connected with love and this melancholic melody.

It’s crazy but I hope I can catch some glimpses of you either in person, photos, or even in written pieces, because I know we would know each other by that.

Till then. Wishing I’d look into those eyes of yours one day and see all that love that had been waiting to bind us forever…